The Knicks were so brutal tonight that they almost broke my will to write prose. Here, instead, are some attempts at
Shakespearian Knickspearian Sonnets (Iambic Pentameter be damned!), haiku’s, and limericks (with some sparse prose) that describe just how brutal the Knicks are:
The Knicks cannot defend a pick and roll
Mike Woodson is still utterly confused
Will Melo’s minutes start to take a toll?
This team’s transgressions cannot be excused
Yesterday they beat the Bulls by only five
Yet still not even an impressive feat
Up by twenty, they barely stayed alive
STAT looks like a hobo found on the street
Do Bargs and Earl deserve their own quatrain?
Absolutely! Just look how much they play
With each bad brick the rim was nearly slain
Shumpert bumped knees with Dunleavy, oy vey!
So bad are they at playing basketball
Is it really so hard to just play small?
WHAT WENT RIGHT:
- The Knicks won a game, didn’t wear hideous, eye-melting orange jerseys, and were enjoyable to watch for like 30 minutes.
- The Bulls were missing three players (Derrick Rose, Luol Deng, and Jimmy Butler) who are all basically better than every healthy Knicks sans Carmelo Anthony. So that helped! The Bulls offense was truly horrific, a point only further bolstered by the fact that the Bulls had a lot of trouble scoring on the garbage fire that is the Knicks defense.
- The refs gave the Knicks a couple favorable calls, which was cool.
- Amar’e played really well. I like Amar’e.
- Mike Woodson probably bought himself a week or so with this win, even though this might as well have been a loss and this bullet point should probably be in the next section.
- A brief Knicks haiku (haiknu?) for your troubles:
The Knicks almost lost
But they won so Woodson stays
Woodson should not stay.
WHAT WENT WRONG:
- The Knicks blew a 23 point lead in a solid ten minutes or so. They *almost* lost to a team that had Mike Dunleavy Jr. and Kirk Hinrich lead them in minutes and shot attempts. The Bulls put the clamps on, and the Knicks mystically forgot how to dribble up the court or run any play that wasn’t a ‘Melo isolation.
- I’ve almost completely given up on this season. The Knicks losing this game, and the pandemonium that would have ensued, would have been preferable to the Knicks actually winning it.
- Speaking of dribbling, the Bulls started applying a full court press, and the Knicks point guards had serious issues bringing the ball up. Normally, this would be Felton’s job, and he is more than capable of it. Felton isn’t anything more than average, but he’s the only “traditional” point guard the Knicks have, and certainly the only one who can turn the corner on a pick with some sort of speed. Here’s a Feltku to explain more thoroughly:
Ray Felton is bad
But the Knicks need him to win
He is a bulldog
- JR Smith was actually benched (!!!) after two hand shoving Kirk Hinrich to the ground instead of trying to get around it. Of course, he was put in two minutes later, but still! Woodson benched JR! I couldn’t believe my eyes. Also, my sister brought home a book of limericks from her class library, and I found them amusing so I decided to write one about JR Smith. It is most likely the worst thing you will ever read in your life:
Thought only to be a mere myth,
And not very fun to play with,
Unique in his type,
Still giving the pipe,
He was in fact J.R. Smith
- I watched the MSG feed (No thanks, Jon Barry) and got to hear Mike Breen pressure Clyde into telling the story about how Clyde saw Elgin Baylor on the street when he was a rookie and decided to just follow him around for an afternoon.
- One last haiku:
Bright red pedals fall
From the vibrant autumn sky
The Knicks are awful
- The Knicks play the Celtics in two days on Friday Night Knicks. Perhaps they will lose by 82 points this time! Tune in to find out. (Don’t.)